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Mask Off, New York
Snoop Dogg acquired his old record label, everyone and their mom is betting on the Super Bowl, Pelosi Capital may no longer be a thing, New York is dropping its mask mandate, SEC proposes new rules for private investment funds, CVS crushed earnings, Uber (surprisingly) crushed earnings too, and a judge granted the Bitcoin hackers bail.

Severance or Subscription Package?
Peloton has a new head man (and 2,800 ex-employees have free one-year subscriptions), BP crushed earnings, Biden finally mentioned Tesla, Apple continues its journey to conquer all things tech, Rumble offered Joe Rogan $100M, Canadian truckers keep honking, Microsoft wants to acquire someone else, SoftBank is planning an ARM IPO, and the feds recovered $3.6B in stolen Bitcoin from two unlikely thieves. This week just keeps getting weirder and weirder.

Mega Cheap Airlines
Spirit and Frontier are merging to form the most budget airline of all time, Meta might pull out of Europe, Peter Thiel is stepping down from Facebook's board, Amazon is raising its salary caps, IRS ends facial recognition (that was a thing?!?), Flexport raised a massive Series E, Trump's SPAC is showing some cracks, and Sequoia made a $450M bet on Polygon.

Peloton Prime
Amazon might try to buy Peloton, tensions are still rising in Ukraine, the @NFT Instagram account got banned, Ottawa declares emergency in response to vaccine mandate protests, BuzzFeed doxxed the Bored Ape Yacht Club founders, Spotify removed some Joe Rogan episodes, and Yellen said "I'M NOT ******* LEAVING".

Mega Cap Meme Stocks
Ridiculous day for tech stocks (FB down 26%, SNAP down 24% before rallying 52% after-hours, AMZN down 8% before rallying 12%), NYC wants to close gender pay gap with salary disclosure, Dolphins owner denies tanking allegations, Carlyle dealmakers made bank, the WNBA raised outside funding, Wormhole fixed its blockchain bridge, and Bengals DE Sam Hubbard said they want to win the Super Bowl for Harambe. Oh and Tiger Global raised $11B for a new VC fund (thiccc term sheets inbound!)

Zucks Down Bad
Meta down bad as rebranding to the metaverse isn't good for earnings, Spotify also crashes after failing to impress investors, CNN president Zucker resigns after failing to disclose office relationship (bad day to be a ZUCK), Washington Football Team is now the Washington Commanders, and SpaceX rolls out a premium Starlink satellite.

Buy 1, Get 20 @ Google
Google crushed earnings and announced a 20-for-1 stock split, Paypal dropped 16% the day after Jim Cramer said he liked it, Tom Brady officially retired, Texas energy prices are soaring, the great resignation has carried into 2022, Brian Flores is suing the NFL, AT&T will spin off WarnerMedia, and ExxonMobil is hot again.

Wordle Secures the Bag
Wordle is getting acquired by the New York Times (shout out to the founder for securing bag 🤝), Cathie bought the Robinhood dip, ARKK has been ripping since Cramer turned bearish, FTX is worth a ton, some Starbucks employees want to unionize, Sony is buying Bungie (cue Halo theme music), the Superbowl is an underdog matchup, tech stocks are so back, and a big week of earnings starts today.

Schrödinger's Quarterback
Tom Brady may or may not have retired, the Twitter mob is mad at Spotify and Joe Rogan, Netflix CEO Hastings (and Bill Ackman) bought the dip, Apollo PE staff can work remote all August, Nadal won the Australian Open, Blackstone raises cash for Asia deals, fake covid passes are the new fake IDs, and Genesis is accepting NFTs as collateral for loans.

Thank You, Tim Apple
Apple crushed Q1 earnings to hopefully save the market, Facebook is winding down its crypto venture, Robinhood's stock is on life support, Apple plans to turn iPhones into payment terminals, Italy is still waiting on a new president 🤌🏼, Spotify said adios to Neil Young, Tesla stock dropped on news of vehicle delays, JetBlue turned its first pandemic profit, and Russia sent some medical units to the Ukrainian front.

Printer Go Bruhhhh
J Pow said it's time to cool down the printer and raise some rates, markets fell into the close, Djokovic found a new country to play tennis, Supreme Court Justice Breyer is retiring, Tesla posted great earnings but the Cybertruck is delayed (again), Boeing had production problems with the 787 this quarter, J&J mega-merger looks unlikely, Bentley plans to go full-EV by 2030, and UBS is buying Wealthfront.
