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⛽️ $110+ Oil ⛽️
Oil broke through $110 (two years after Cathie Wood said it was going to $12), stocks were down and crypto was up, a Russian convoy is approaching Kyiv, Target and SoFi crushed earnings, the summer intern market is heating up, MLB opening day is canceled, the luxury car cargo ship sank, and it seems like every American company is halting sales in Russia.
The Great Russian Pullout
Bank runs have started in Russia while US citizens are advised to leave the country (shocker), Lucid tanked after investors realized a company shouldn't be worth $500M per car delivered, TikTok is introducing longer videos, Russia destroyed the world's biggest plane (RIP), and Shell is dumping its Russian oil stakes.
Robux > Rubles
Stocks went green despite Russia's invasion, the ruble is worth less than Robux, NY is ending school mask mandates, Apple may launch a cheap iPhone, MLB opening day might be delayed, More countries are banning Russian flights, and Ukraine's government has raised more than $10M in crypto.
Turnaround Thursday
Stocks rallied hard in the afternoon as investors realized that it literally can't get any worse, Russia's stock market got drilled, Elon and Kimbal Musk are having problems with the SEC, Biden and the West roll out heavy sanctions against Russia, Ukraine's official Twitter account is winning the internet, Beyond Meat had terrible earnings, And Ken Griffin is pulling out of his Melvin Capital investment.
Russian Bear Market
Explosions were heard in Ukraine after Putin announced a military operation, eBay shares fell after poor earnings guidance, Trudeau repealed his emergency powers, Citi wants its vaxxed staff back in the office, Biden's team is worried that Musk would troll the president, Greg Abbot is catching some heat for last year's power bills, and FTX is entering the fashion industry.
Goldman Analysts Want Burritos
Banker bonuses were big in 2021, Biden and Boris announced sanctions on Russia, Slack was down, Trump's social media app had glitches, Meta is going global with reels, Nord Stream 2 is dead for now, US women's soccer players reach an equal pay settlement, and stocks just keep going lower.
Mask Off, England Edition
Russia is (probably) invading this time, Boris said no more covid restrictions, China is investigating Jack Ma again, Carl Icahn launched a proxy fight for two McDonald's board seats, over $100M in luxury cars are still lost at sea, the Ottawa blockade is dispersing, SpaceX may move launches to Florida, fracking is back, and FTX is entering the gaming business.
OpenSea Phishing Trip 🎣
What an eventful weekend. $1.7M of NFTs were stolen from the wallets of some OpenSea users, Biden & Putin might chat about Ukraine, Queen Elizabeth caught covid, the Fed banned itself from day trading, Tesla faces trouble in Germany over autopilot, two men were killed in a Tulum shooting, Ford may spin off its EV division, Trump's social media app hits the App Store today, and a DAO wants to buy the Denver Broncos.
The ARKK Is Sinking
Cathie's $ARKK won't stop dropping, gold was up (congrats Peter Schiff), Musk said the SEC is trying to shut him up, Ford's Mach-E won Consumer Reports' Top EV, Bullard said the Fed may need to hike rates even more, David Solomon took a victory lap for Goldman's performance, the CDC is expected to update mask guidance, and Sequoia raised a massive crypto fund.
Shopify Stock Got Chopified
Retail sales came in HOT, Shopify stock was down bad after they released earnings, Google is adopting new privacy restrictions, Goldman is opening a Monaco office for the super-wealthy, China rolled out a digital yuan at the Olympics, and Kid Cudi's startup raised new capital.
Schrödinger's Invasion
Stocks were up because Russia isn't actually invading Ukraine (unless they are, who knows), Airbnb crushed earnings thanks to digital nomads, scientists may have cured HIV for the first time, the SEC is probing Binance's trading affiliates, and Democrats vow to curb inflation (lol).
Bouncing QR Codes
Texas sued Meta over facial recognition practices, US closed its Kyiv embassy, US-Canada traffic is picking back up, Microsoft plans to reopen some offices, Avocados are getting more expensive, US inflation outlook finally falls, DoorDash is bumping up fees on slow McDonalds (so all of them?), the Coinbase QR code had 20M hits, and oil keeps climbing higher.